FAS Family Alienation Syndrome

Parents are not the only people who are affected by an Alienation Syndrome. This is something that has been neglected when there are older siblings involved. Sure, there are many Alienation Syndromes that are not addressed but should. Instead of PAS (Parent Alienation Syndrome) it should be changed to FAS (Family Alienation Syndrome). This can happen with uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, cousins, grandparents etc. This is why we should re-coin the Acronym to FAS (Family Alienation Syndrome).

I know from personal experience regarding Uncle Alienation Syndrome where my sister became mad at me because of my parents will. My parents being old world left everything except half the bank accounts and insurance to me. Now before you judge I was brought up old world and this meant that I as the oldest son was to receive everything and distribute it accordingly and fairly. This was my intention. The SNAFU came in because she wanted her money NOW. Worst of it is that my sister helped my wife clean out my parent’s house after a year. My then dog was really well-behaved and never dug in the garbage. He oddly chewed on the garbage bag outside and pulled out the will after my sister was gone and I came home from work. My sister said she did not find the will but it was in her garbage bag. My dog had it in his mouth. Now consider that if there was not will the state at that time would have taken 1/3 of the assets so it was better that there was a will.

I offered to make her monthly payments to equal the rest of the half because I was getting the house, after all she had one. This was not good enough. I found out why after the wake brunch. A few friends told me my brother-in-law was already talking to people and drawing a sketch of the house and 5 acres of property with two streams running through it that he wanted to buy. They could not get the loan and the loan officer would not accept my letter of payment. Long story short (too late LOL) my sister sued me for the money so she could get it all up front. She won!?! This means of course that wills are not worth the paper they are drafted upon. I tried to explain to the judge that there was a will and I was left everything (except half the bank accounts and life insurance) and did not have to promise her anything let alone taking a loan to pay interest on assists that were by all rights mine. He did not want to hear it and ordered me to get a loan to pay my sister. Bottom line is that I now was not receiving my fair half because of the interest and had to pay interest on was mine in the first place. (NOTE: my brother-in-law threatened to send me to jail for forgery if I did not get a loan. He said this because I signed my parents checks to pay their bills and bury my father for the short time after dad died and before mom died. He could not do that but I did not know that at the time. I had no intent to defraud anyone and what I did was perfectly legal.)

This is what separated me from my nephews and nieces. The older ones ended up contacting me when they could drive and visited as frequent as possible. It was not easy and still bothers me that I was not able to get closer to my younger nieces and nephews and for the cousins my children and hers to be closer.

Now for a story about a girl at work; She is suffering badly from Sibling Alienation Syndrome (because this event is much more recent to her than my situation which is decades old). Her mother and father divorced some time ago. Dad fought for and eventually won custody of her, and she was (though not legally able to make the decision) in agreement with the arrangements and in fact desired them. One could argue that her mom is suffering from PAS **BUT** I know better. She is old enough to be out on her own now and old enough to have been able to reflect on what has happened during her life and between her parents.

What is sad is that she is having issues with mom, since the girl that I work with is recently on her own and not only wants but needs her own space. Basically she told her mom who called her one day and said that she was going to visit every day, the girl said no because she wanted to get settled. Her mother took great offence. Now the girl’s siblings have sent her text messages stating that she no longer text them because mom will become angry if she finds the messages on their phones. The mom does not want the older sibling to have contact with the siblings that live with her (the mom) any more. This is a classic case of FAS if I ever heard of one. Because mom is mad at sibling #1, she (the girl) cannot contact sibling’s #’s 2 & 3.

Why do I relay these stories? We need to attempt to recognize and remedy all the aliments of family in America to make things better for coming generations. Also PAS is just the tip of the iceberg and we should consider FAS because it more clearly defines the tremendous extent and devastation that is the Alienation Syndrome.

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