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You Cheated on Her . . . Now What? Shhhhh!

You may really dig your beau, but admit it, occasionally, when a good-looking woman crosses your path, you wonder what it might be like to get together. And these days, more and more men are caving in to the cheating impulse. “With the rising number of women in the workforce and on the Net, the opportunities to stray are increasing,” says psychologist Marc Weiner, Ph.D., author of Cheaters.

But whether it’s a kiss or the full monty, oftentimes the subsequent guilt is hard to shake. Fret not. We’ll help you handle the aftermath of your infidelity.

Don’t Blab
Your father may have told you that honesty is the best policy, but in this case, many experts advise keeping your mouth shut. “If it really was just one indiscretion, don’t tell her,” says Weiner. “Although it might make you feel better, it will only hurt her and ruin the trust between you.” Even if the guilt is killing you, let it be your burden to bear. And don’t tell other people either or you increase the possibility of his finding out.

Examine Your Motives
When a man cheats, even just once, there’s usually a problem in his relationship. “Men often stray if their sex lives are stagnant or they’re feeling neglected,” says Robert Houston, author of Is She Cheating on You? “The other woman fulfills something that his current gal isn’t giving him.”

If the love is worth salvaging, you have to fix the problem or the issues will fester. “Ask yourself why you did it,” advises Weiner. “Then let your girlfriend know what you need from her.” But still, do not confess.

Of course, the relationship could already be dead in the water. “You may just be too lazy or scared to address the issues,” Houston points out. “So you sleep with someone else, trying to sabotage it, even if only subconsciously.” Or you just want to see what else is out there before doing anything drastic. But do yourself (and your girlfriend) a favor: Cut the cord.

What If She Finds Out?
Even if you’ve covered your tracks, your woman could discover your indiscretion. Assuming you still want to be with her, your best bet is to say how sorry you are, swear it’ll never happen again, and beg for his forgiveness.

Now is not the time to get into the reasons why you did it. “Wait a couple weeks before airing your grievances,” says Weiner. “She needs time to process the betrayal without being confronted with the mistakes she’s made.”

Finally, being cheated on can do a number on a person’s self-esteem, so you have to stroke the poor gal’s ego. Regardless, she will be pissed and might need space. If so, leave her alone until, fingers crossed, she forgives you.

Born to betray: Some men could be hard-wired to cheat. A study done on male twins at St. Thomas’s Hospital in London suggests that one in five men may carry a genetic “cheating” trait.

Tell me what you think of this article.


5 Responses to “You Cheated on Her . . . Now What? Shhhhh!”

  1. Okay Bernie,

    You had me going there for a while. I read that, and stared in disbelief, just about screaming WTF!?!? What it struck me as was that some asshat either misread the data, or was deliberately attacking men for what women are now doing and thinking – seriously “…these days, more and more men are caving in to the cheating impulse” – I just wanted to scream at my laptop, “No, No, No, it’s been clearly delineated that it is woman who are cheating more.

    I was getting read to write out a rant about the Melisandra of accusing men of acting like modern women…then, it hit me:

    The article opens up with “You may really dig your beau, but…”

    Beau, of course refers to a guy. I was to struck by the apparent backwards fallacy of the rest of what I was reading to catch on very fast – this was an article that you had re-written, changing the genders so as to shed light on the hypocrisy of the way women excuse themselves for all manner of misbehavior, then believe it is best to just keep it quite as save their “honor”.

    Sure enough, a quick search turned up an MSN article by Jennifer Benjamin entitled “You Cheated on Him … Now What?”

    Very clever, Bernie.

    You should submit it to feminist forums to see how the hags jump all over it – then spring your little “surprise” on them, leaving them speechless in their exposed hypocrisy.

  2. “Melisandra”!?!?! Damned auto-correcting spell-checker – “misandry”, even if my damned dictionary does accept that it’s a word.

  3. slwerner,

    LOL 🙂

    You caught the one and only hint I left in the article. I have full intentions to deliver this to some feminist sites with out the hint of course. I wanted to try it out here first. Hypocrisy is what I am after but there are several lurking feminists on my site and I feel that my cover may have been blown. I sent this off to Glenn and Robert as an “Experiment in Social Behavior” but they did not bite.


  4. Most dictionaries in computers do not recognize the word. It is unbelievable!


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